Freedom from the Greener Grass

We've all been there.

We applied for a job or a show that we really wanted and we didn't get it. Intead they gave it to someone else. You've been trying to get pregnant and yet everyone on facebook seems to be posting baby announcemets. You've been on several horrible dates and have lost your faith in love, and that same person who stole your job opportunity tells you how they have met the love of their life and they found it when they "just weren't looking for it".

The grass really does always seem greener on the other side of the screen. We get on facebook and all we seem to see is what everyone else is achieving, We are reminded of what we don't have. I can't tell you how may times I have not been cast in a show or watched someone else achieve something, and instead of being joyful for their accomplishement, I just felt jealous.  As much as I hated that about myself, it was really hard to change.

For me, It was hard realizing I was 28 and not married.  All of my friends were getting engaged. I never realized how bad it was until my best friend told me she was going to be nervous to tell me when she got engaged.  That was a huge wake up call for me.  I would never want my best friend to ever feel like I wouldn't support her.  I have spent my life wanting to encourage people, and instead I let my bitterness and envy cloud my thoughts and actions. 

Believe me, when you feel those pangs of jelousy... you  not alone.  No it may not always seem fair, but here is the truth...

Those opportunties weren't meant for you.

On the flip side, the blessings in your own life weren't meant for anyone else but you. 

Here's the beautiful thing:Other people's successes do not diminish your own success.

Just because another girl is pretty does not make me any less beautiful. We have to get out of this comparing mindset and realize that your life is exactly that... YOUR life.  It's YOUR journey. Nobody else can write your story except you.  You were given your passion on purpose.

So what can we do to turn that "grass is always greener" mentality to "grass or no grass... I am grateful"

1) Check your thoughts. When you find yourself being jealous of someone  else's accomplishments or success, congratulate them. Put kindness and humility into the world. You'll find you will be more grateful for the things you have in your own life when you congradulate others on their accomplishments.

2) If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.  It happens when sometimes we just can't be or aren't happy about something or someone.  And THAT'S OKAY!!! The trick is learning the art of keeing it to yourself and not dragging their name through the mud.  You're the much bigger person by admitting you're not happy about it to yourself but no retaliating. Refuse to let anything diminish your greatness... because you ARE great!

3) I've said it before... make a gratitude journal. Write down the incredible blessings that ARE in your life so that you have something to remind you when it's hard to remember the good things that you DO have.

You're not alone, my dear one.

We're digging through this messy thing called life together. Let me remind you, you ARE enough. You ARE worthy. You ARE a force to be reckoned with.

Fear... and how to make it shrink

"No way man."
"I'm too scared... you go first." 
"I'm afraid."

Fear.

Fear is the driving force behind so many of our choices and actions. It's the reason we avoid, numb, lie, hide, and run. 

We all have fears. I struggle with the fear of being too much to handle. 
I've had one too many people tell me, "Kate, you're just...a lot." I hate making people uncomfortable, so imagine how it feels to have someone tell you that who you are is just...too much. 
I'm also afraid of dying alone, but we'll tackle that fear another time. 

Many of our fears form from past experiences. We don't want to experience a time of pain and suffering like we once did. The memory of the pain is enough to stop us in our tracks. 
What incredible opportunities are you missing by allowing fear to dictate your life? 

• You had your heart broken, so you don't pursue that person who just might be your perfect match. 
• You were fired from a job you poured everything into, so you don't apply for your dream position. 
• Your mom or dad told you that you weren't good enough and wouldn't amount to anything, so you don't apply to college.

How do we overcome these seemingly insurmountable limits created by our fears? How do we stop letting them control our decisions and actions? 
(What I'm about to share with you slowly by surely helped me overcome fear. Don't get me wrong, I still feel fear, but with these I continue to move forward despite every fearful thought and feeling telling me no.) 

1. Come Up With a Mantra. It could be anything; the Lord's Prayer, the serenity prayer, counting to 10, a chant...anything that you can repeat over and over to yourself to reset your thinking when fear is creeping in. I was raised with the Lord's Prayer, so that's usually my go-to. It helps me refocus my thoughts and reminds me that ultimately, I'm okay.

2. Know Who Your Real Friends Are. Real friends are the special friends who love and know you well enough to know what you need to hear. They are the ones who will help ease you out of the cage of fear and can give you the confidence you need to be brave. They are the friends who will celebrate the victories with you, and speak grace and kindness in the times when you fall short. Lean on these friends. They help bring light to the terrifying darkness fear brings. 

3. Reward yourself on the small victories against fear. Sometimes just standing up to fear and making the decision to make a change is a victory in itself. Do something special for yourself when you act out of courage against fear. Treat yourself!!! This is huge. 

We all have the power to overcome our fears. It may not happen quickly or easily, but when you're standing on the other side looking at how far you've come in your journey you'll realize just how much stronger you are than ANY fear. 

Remember:

You are brave.
You are enough.
You are a force to be reckoned with.

Take up your sword, gladiator. It's fear that should be afraid of YOU!!