Decisions Decisions...

The next chapter of your life is just one decision away...
Do I leave or do I stay? Do I speak up or do I stay silent? To I apologize, or do I stay angry?
We all make a million choices every day. We choose what we wear, eat, which way to take to work, to get out of bed, what to watch on netflix, to smile or frown.  

Those aren't the choices I am talking about. 
 I am talking about are the big ones. The ones we avoid like the plague. The ones that are going to hurt no matter what we choose. 
You know which one I'm talking about. The one that came to your mind just now. 
Yeah... That one. 
We avoid making THOSE choices.
We numb. 
We would rather kill ourselves in the limbo of indecision because the fear of a solid finality of a choice is too much to handle. 
So we avoid. We dream about a life beyond but refuse to make a choice.
The unknown is scary.  
Fear of regret is real. 
But here's the truth. Those dreams that you have are real. That job that you want exists. That special person who takes your breath away will see you. That ideal body is in your grasp. The ability to stop letting fear win... It all starts with one choice. 
One decision.  
That is the key to finding happiness and getting those things you've been dreaming about. 
1) Be honest with yourself. I mean really honest with yourself. You will know deep down what you need to do. The first start is admitting and facing how you are really feeling. 
2)Now you have to do something about it. You can go on ignoring, numbing, and avoiding but you will stay miserable in limbo. . Get out of that relationship. Admit you have a problem. Start looking for a new job. Ask the girl out. Go to the gym you've been looking at and ask for information. You've got this... I promise. 

I know what you're thinking. What if I fail? What if I make the wrong decision? 

I challenge you to take a look at what you've been through in your life so far. What obstacles have you faced? What have you over come? Did you make the wrong decision sometimes? Absolutely. Did you eventually become a better or stronger person because of it though? Yes. Making a decision, and maybe it being the wrong one, but learning from it is better than never making any decisions at all. 
You can do this. Believe in yourself. You've got this. Now go and do what you need to do. 

Not all who wander are lost...

"You go through life so sure of where you're headed... and you wind up lost and it's the best thing that ever happened..." -brad paisley

"Lost... I'm lost" - stitch

How many times in your life have you ever felt lost? You look around and everyone else seems to have everything together and somehow you missed the memo.

How many times have we looked around and realized we didn't actually have a say, or really any control at all on our lives? Whether it's our jobs, our families, our significant others, our friends or other commitments. At some point we realize we actually have no say or control over our time. And when we try to say "no" we are met with resistance that makes us feel stupid or selfish for saying no in the first place.

When I get to this place the world seems to spin faster and more out of control and there's nothing I can do about it.

So how do we handle it? (This is something I am VERY much dealing with in my own life)

1. You take a step back. You take time off Facebook. You seclude yourself so that you can focus on JUST you.
2. You take a very honest, kind, forgiving and humble look at yourself. Look at your life. What relationships are you in? Who do you surround yourself with? What occupies your time? What aspect of your life feels the most out of control?
3. You allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to be angry, sad, emotional, happy, depressed. Whatever you need to feel, feel it. You earned that right by being human. AND IT'S OKAY TO FEEL THAT WAY.
4. Face the changes you need to make. Do you need to get out of a toxic relationship? Do you need to separate from a toxic family member? Do you need to quit or take steps back from a job? Take the time you need, but do what you need to do. It won't come easy, but it will be worth it. Trust me.

You are entitled to every feeling and opinion you have. To stop the ride from spinning you have to get off of it. You are the only one who you can control. It's time to stop letting others dictate your life. It's time to take a stand and take our lives back.

I'm done allowing people to tell me how I have to live my life.

So say this with me....

I am a gladiator.

I am a force to be reckoned with.

I am (say your name)

And watch out world because I'm coming for you... and you ain't seen nothing yet!

Finding Your Inner Courage

When you hear the word courageous, who comes to mind?

Martin Luther King, Jr? Mother Theresa? Men and women in the armed forces? George Washington?

All of those people came to mind for me. You know what else followed that thought? That I will never achieve that level of awesome. I'm a 5'1 woman who sometimes feels like she is more courageous with her Netflix choices than she is in the real world. I thought how on EARTH am I supposed to have courage like Mother Theresa and George Washington?

Then I realized, having courage doesn't have to roar like a lion. It doesn't mean you have zero fears or doubts. Having fears and doubts is normal and completely natural. Courage comes when you acknowledge those fears and doubts but continue to stand. It's standing up even when your knees are trembling. It's speaking truth even when your voice shakes.

Courage is strength no matter how big or small. Courage is choosing to step back from my steady job to follow my dream of motivational speaking. Courage is standing next to a friend, even if they are not the most popular or well liked. Courage is embracing who you truly are and choosing to live your life in that light.

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day that's says, I will try again tomorrow.

Be courageous, my dear friend. And at the end of the day, even if everything went wrong, lean into the courage of that soft, small voice at the end of the day... you will try again tomorrow.... and you will be outstanding.

So tired of being tired...

I'm just so tired...

When I ask people on a daily basis how they are, I get a bunch of answers. But the one answer that keeps repeating itself is: I'm just tired.

Everyone is tired, and not just from lack of sleep. People are tired of failing, tired of hatred, tired of politics. Tired of being let down or heartbroken, tired of feeling worried or inadequate, or tired of working hard to barely make ends meet.

We are all tired. During the last few years of my life, I've been exhausted.  And more than that, I was tired of always being tired.  When I met my mentor, Jeff Kaylor, one of the first things he asked me was, "How are you?!?"

I'll give you one guess as to my answer.
"I'm really tired.”
Later that night, Jeff challenged me...He said "Kate, I want you to stop telling people you’re tired. Just try it. See what happens."

So I spent the next few days completely focused on not saying how tired I was. Instead, anytime anyone asked me how I was, I said I was great. I focused on the positive things in my life.  And after a few days, it wasn't as hard to not say I was tired, because suddenly... I wasn't anymore.

And that is my challenge to you, my dear friends. I know you are tired, we all are.  I want to challenge you to stop saying you're tired. Instead replace it with you're great or thankful. You're not being dishonest, you're still allowed to be tired, but now you are choosing to change your way of thinking. You’re choosing to focus on the good instead of the negative.

By doing this, I promise, you're life will start to take a shift for the better.  It's time to wake up, my friends. Rise and be the incredible human you are, because YOU ARE incredible.

Freedom from the Greener Grass

We've all been there.

We applied for a job or a show that we really wanted and we didn't get it. Intead they gave it to someone else. You've been trying to get pregnant and yet everyone on facebook seems to be posting baby announcemets. You've been on several horrible dates and have lost your faith in love, and that same person who stole your job opportunity tells you how they have met the love of their life and they found it when they "just weren't looking for it".

The grass really does always seem greener on the other side of the screen. We get on facebook and all we seem to see is what everyone else is achieving, We are reminded of what we don't have. I can't tell you how may times I have not been cast in a show or watched someone else achieve something, and instead of being joyful for their accomplishement, I just felt jealous.  As much as I hated that about myself, it was really hard to change.

For me, It was hard realizing I was 28 and not married.  All of my friends were getting engaged. I never realized how bad it was until my best friend told me she was going to be nervous to tell me when she got engaged.  That was a huge wake up call for me.  I would never want my best friend to ever feel like I wouldn't support her.  I have spent my life wanting to encourage people, and instead I let my bitterness and envy cloud my thoughts and actions. 

Believe me, when you feel those pangs of jelousy... you  not alone.  No it may not always seem fair, but here is the truth...

Those opportunties weren't meant for you.

On the flip side, the blessings in your own life weren't meant for anyone else but you. 

Here's the beautiful thing:Other people's successes do not diminish your own success.

Just because another girl is pretty does not make me any less beautiful. We have to get out of this comparing mindset and realize that your life is exactly that... YOUR life.  It's YOUR journey. Nobody else can write your story except you.  You were given your passion on purpose.

So what can we do to turn that "grass is always greener" mentality to "grass or no grass... I am grateful"

1) Check your thoughts. When you find yourself being jealous of someone  else's accomplishments or success, congratulate them. Put kindness and humility into the world. You'll find you will be more grateful for the things you have in your own life when you congradulate others on their accomplishments.

2) If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.  It happens when sometimes we just can't be or aren't happy about something or someone.  And THAT'S OKAY!!! The trick is learning the art of keeing it to yourself and not dragging their name through the mud.  You're the much bigger person by admitting you're not happy about it to yourself but no retaliating. Refuse to let anything diminish your greatness... because you ARE great!

3) I've said it before... make a gratitude journal. Write down the incredible blessings that ARE in your life so that you have something to remind you when it's hard to remember the good things that you DO have.

You're not alone, my dear one.

We're digging through this messy thing called life together. Let me remind you, you ARE enough. You ARE worthy. You ARE a force to be reckoned with.

And Let It Begin With Me....

Heartbreak. 
Change. 
Situations no one wants to face.
Recently, I sat in an airport near a couple that was in the heat of a fight. Their faces were riddled with hurt as they argued and lashed out. 

Then I realized..they weren't speaking English.

It's so interesting how suffering and struggle is universal. I didn't have to know what they were saying to understand what was happening. I didn't have to translate their words to feel the hurt and heaviness on their hearts.

My heart broke. 

How many times have I been on one side of that table? On the tearful one or the frustrated one. Far too often have I used my hands and my words to beg or plead for understanding, an apology, or any sign of hope; only to be met with anger, confusion, and doubt.  

"I love you, but I don't know if I see a future with you." 
"Why can't you just understand?" 
"You're not listening to me. Just listen to me!" 
"You're not worth it anymore."

We've all been seated at that table. 
So many of us get stuck for our entire lives on one side of that table. We get cemented into begging the world to understand, begging the world to apologize, begging for some kind of hope. 
I can promise you, the world won't give that to you. The world doesn't care. 

But that's not the end of the story.

The rest of the world may not answer you, but we can. We, this community,  can be the answer. We can show mercy to a stranger needing an encouraging word. To the homeless begging more for love than our money. To that coworker going through a divorce. To our friend who just lost her baby. To our overweight friend who is struggling to get off the couch. 
It's OUR job, our challenge, our mission to speak hope, truth, peace, and compassion to the world. 

WE CAN BE THE VOICE WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!

So let's change the song that the world is singing. 
1) Change the way you speak to yourself. It's that whole log in your own eye before the speck in your brothers eye thing. You'll find it easier to encourage others if you encourage yourself first. 
2) Seek out at least three people in your life to encourage everyday-- three different people everyday. Better yet, make one of the people you encourage a stranger. Give them a compliment, ask how they are really doing, or tell them they are incredible. 
3) When someone opens up to you about their struggles, LISTEN TO THEM. Make eye contact with them. Put down your phone and give them your undivided attention. Show them you care by giving them one of the best gifts you can give- your time. 

Let's change the world's tone of voice.

Fear... and how to make it shrink

"No way man."
"I'm too scared... you go first." 
"I'm afraid."

Fear.

Fear is the driving force behind so many of our choices and actions. It's the reason we avoid, numb, lie, hide, and run. 

We all have fears. I struggle with the fear of being too much to handle. 
I've had one too many people tell me, "Kate, you're just...a lot." I hate making people uncomfortable, so imagine how it feels to have someone tell you that who you are is just...too much. 
I'm also afraid of dying alone, but we'll tackle that fear another time. 

Many of our fears form from past experiences. We don't want to experience a time of pain and suffering like we once did. The memory of the pain is enough to stop us in our tracks. 
What incredible opportunities are you missing by allowing fear to dictate your life? 

• You had your heart broken, so you don't pursue that person who just might be your perfect match. 
• You were fired from a job you poured everything into, so you don't apply for your dream position. 
• Your mom or dad told you that you weren't good enough and wouldn't amount to anything, so you don't apply to college.

How do we overcome these seemingly insurmountable limits created by our fears? How do we stop letting them control our decisions and actions? 
(What I'm about to share with you slowly by surely helped me overcome fear. Don't get me wrong, I still feel fear, but with these I continue to move forward despite every fearful thought and feeling telling me no.) 

1. Come Up With a Mantra. It could be anything; the Lord's Prayer, the serenity prayer, counting to 10, a chant...anything that you can repeat over and over to yourself to reset your thinking when fear is creeping in. I was raised with the Lord's Prayer, so that's usually my go-to. It helps me refocus my thoughts and reminds me that ultimately, I'm okay.

2. Know Who Your Real Friends Are. Real friends are the special friends who love and know you well enough to know what you need to hear. They are the ones who will help ease you out of the cage of fear and can give you the confidence you need to be brave. They are the friends who will celebrate the victories with you, and speak grace and kindness in the times when you fall short. Lean on these friends. They help bring light to the terrifying darkness fear brings. 

3. Reward yourself on the small victories against fear. Sometimes just standing up to fear and making the decision to make a change is a victory in itself. Do something special for yourself when you act out of courage against fear. Treat yourself!!! This is huge. 

We all have the power to overcome our fears. It may not happen quickly or easily, but when you're standing on the other side looking at how far you've come in your journey you'll realize just how much stronger you are than ANY fear. 

Remember:

You are brave.
You are enough.
You are a force to be reckoned with.

Take up your sword, gladiator. It's fear that should be afraid of YOU!! 

Quit Drinking The Hater-ade!

"Holding onto anger is like drinking a poison and expecting the other person to die." -Buddah

-Ohhhh I am never going to forgive you for this.
-I hate that person.
-What you did is unforgivable.

We all have that one thing, that one person, that one event that when we think about it the anger gauge in our body hits an all time high. Someone who may have broken our heart or stolen from us. A person who let us down. A liar. When we were treated unfairly. When we were disrespected. When we lost.

I have two events in my life that have been hard to let go of. Once was the time two people continually lied to me and convinced me I was in the wrong for how I felt. When those relationships ended, I couldn't stop being angry about it. The other was when I was VERY disrespected where I was employed. It made me feel like my talent, my time, and my heart didn't deserve to be respected.

Unfortunately the only person that any of that painful anger is hurting is us. We can go and spit in face of the people who hurt us and curse them up one side and down the other but, what does that achieve? In the end, we are the ones holding the burning hot coal of anger and it's only burning our hand, not theirs. They are unaffected by the pain and hurt that's inside of us. In all honesty they probably have completely moved on with their lives and don't pay us a second thought.

So why are we killing ourselves?
How can we stop the cycle?

It's a slow process, but this is what helped me get past the anger

Here's a way to start:

1. Write it down. Get it out of your head. Whether that means writing a hypothetical letter to that person or the event itself. Be honest, be brutal, but get it out of your head onto paper.

2.Make a list of the things that make you smile or feel blessed. If a person's name ends up on that list tell them that you appreciate them. Put that list where you can see it everyday. Use it as a reminder of what you have to be thankful for.

3. Love yourself enough to know that YOU ARE WORTH MORE than letting someone else steal your happiness, confidence, or energy. Let go of the coal. Stop drinking the poison and expecting it to hurt someone besides you. They aren't worth it but you are.

Remember, forgiving doesn't mean you forget it just means you don't let it control you anymore. You do NOT have to be friends or let the person or thing that harmed you back into your life. But, refuse to let those feelings rule you anymore.

Keep shining my friends.
You're worth it

Empty Glass Mentality

If you spoke to your friends, the same way that you speak to yourself, would your friends still be there?
Let's be honest. The answer is probably a resounding no.
You've heard it all before. 
"you're your own worst critic." 
"We are always harder on ourselves than anyone else." 
    But the real question is why.  
WHY is it acceptable to pummel ourselves into the ground? WHY is it okay for us to tear ourselves down and believe so little in ourselves that we give up on something before we even start.
The answer... 
Fear. 
I've been there. You are not alone.
How many of you have believed this lie? "If I just expect the absolute worst to happen, then anything other than that will be great, and I won't be disappointed?" Then you try to imagine just how bad it could be and talk yourself out of doing it all together.
I believed that lie for a really long time. Hell, there are still times when life gets to be too much that I find myself trying to brace for the worst.  I realized that by tearing myself down and expecting the worst, I spent more time talking myself out of dreams because of fear and missed out on UNFATHOMABLE joy if I had just trusted and spoke grace, confidence and humility to myself. 

SO how do we stop this "empty glass" mentality

1) Check your crew.
    What kind of people are you surrounding yourself with? How do they speak to each other? How do they speak to YOU? Do they tear you down, or build you up? Do they show you grace and support even if you don't always win? 
    By answering these questions, you can start to make a change. Start to seek out the people who speak truth and hope into your life. These people are sometimes hard to find in the negative swamp of Facebook and Instagram, but I promise they are there. Step back from people who bring you down, make you feel bad about yourself, or spend all of their time degrading people or talking behind others backs. (Sad truth is.. they're talking about you too...and you just don't have time for that)

2) SHOW YOURSELF GRACE!
    I need you to focus on this next statement.
     Are you focused yet? 
YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL SOMETIMES. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A FAILURE. There is a huge difference between failing and BEING a failure. Give yourself enough room to fall down, and let it be okay to do just that! Where you become a gladiator is when you don't say to yourself "You're an idiot. Why did you do that? You are so stupid. Don't ever dream big again otherwise you will always be embarressed, stress, and let down". INSTEAD say "well damn, that kinda sucked. But I'm so proud of myself for trying. The fact that I tried puts me a hundred steps ahead of the person who didn't. Ha! That's pretty cool!  I may have failed at this, but that just means that's over with and now I can succeed double next time". You'll be suprised at how your luck will seem to shift.

3) DO SOMETHING. 
    Just. Do. Something. Take one risk. It can be very little. Talking to a stranger.  Do a pay it forward at a restaurant. Crack a joke you've been thinking about. Do Karaoke. Take a dance class. Do an amateur stand up comedy night! What have you been putting off because you're afraid? What have you talked yourself out of? It doesn't have to be huge, but it has to be something. And then afterwards, EVEN IF IT DIDN'T TURN OUT EXACTLY AS YOU PLANNED, give yourself a big pat on the back. Because even if you took 10 steps forward and 9 steps back.... you still moved forward one very beautiful step. 

Now THAT'S something to celebrate wouldn't you say? 
Yeah.
Me too!